Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Meaning of Wife

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means... Without Information, Fighting Every time!
WIFE says: No darling,
it means :- With Idiot For Ever

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Let us be generous like this :
Four ppl are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

1st says : we should KILL him.
...2nd says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
3rd says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..
4th says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A Blind Girl.

here was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated
everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She
told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off,
she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl
looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed
eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at
them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:
'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a
very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their
side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has
nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's
crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early
to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the
same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your
face and think: you're alive and still around.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Don't order cakes by telephone

A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake.
He thought for a moment and said, put  "Getting older but you are getting better".
The salesman asked "How do you want me to put it?"
The man said 'Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and "But you are getting better" at the bottom.'
When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake.
It reads ``You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom" 

Monday, May 31, 2010

GOD MAKE ME A TV ...!!

A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them... At the end of the day, while marking the essays,she read one that made her very emotional.

Her husband, who had just walked in, saw her crying and asked her:- 'What happened?'

She answered- 'Read this. It is one of my students' essay.'

'Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special :
Make me into a television. I want to take its place and live like the TV in my house.
Have my own special place, And have my family around ME.
To be taken seriously when I talk....
I want to be the center of attention and be heard without interruptions or questions.
I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives even when it is not working.
Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he is tired.
And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of ignoring me...
And... I want my brothers to fight to be with me...
I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and then, just to spend some time with me.
And last but not least, ensure that I can make them all happy and entertain them...
Lord I don't ask you for much... I just want to live like a TV.'

At that moment the husband said :- 'My God, poor kid. What horrible parents!'

The wife looked up at him and said:- 'That essay is our son's !!!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Letter from SARDARJI TO MR. BILL GATES OF MICROSOFT

subject: Problems with my new computer


Dear Mr. Bill Gates,


We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.


1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button.. We request you
to check this.


2.. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he
ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we
can click that by sitting.


3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only
're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.


4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the
door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was
unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.


5. My child learnt ' Microsoft word ' now he wants to learn ' Microsoft
sentence', so when you will provide that?


6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon
which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?


7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a
single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.


8. There is ' MICROSOFT OFFICE ' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the
PC at home only.


9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past
Documents'?


10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My
Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office
hours.

Regards,

SARDARJI

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Confident vs.. confidential

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"