Let us be generous like this :
Four ppl are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

1st says : we should KILL him.
...2nd says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
3rd says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..
4th says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

A Blind Girl.

here was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated
everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She
told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off,
she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl
looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed
eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at
them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying:
'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a
very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their
side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has
nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's
crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early
to heaven.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the
same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your
face and think: you're alive and still around.

Don't order cakes by telephone

A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he ordered a birthday cake. The salesman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake. He thought for a moment and said, put  "Getting older but you are getting better". The salesman asked "How do you want me to put it?" The man said 'Well...put "You are getting older" at the top and "But you are getting better" at the bottom.' When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake. It reads ``You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom"

GOD MAKE ME A TV ...!!

A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them... At the end of the day, while marking the essays,she read one that made her very emotional.

Her husband, who had just walked in, saw her crying and asked her:- 'What happened?'

She answered- 'Read this. It is one of my students' essay.'

'Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special :
Make me into a television. I want to take its place and live like the TV in my house.
Have my own special place, And have my family around ME.
To be taken seriously when I talk....
I want to be the center of attention and be heard without interruptions or questions.
I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives even when it is not working.
Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he is tired.
And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of ignoring me...
And... I want my brothers to fight to be with me...
I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and then, just to spend some time with me.
And last but not least, ensure that I can make them all happy and entertain them...
Lord I don't ask you for much... I just want to live like a TV.'

At that moment the husband said :- 'My God, poor kid. What horrible parents!'

The wife looked up at him and said:- 'That essay is our son's !!!

Letter from SARDARJI TO MR. BILL GATES OF MICROSOFT

subject: Problems with my new computer


Dear Mr. Bill Gates,


We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.


1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button.. We request you
to check this.


2.. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he
ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we
can click that by sitting.


3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only
're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.


4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the
door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was
unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.


5. My child learnt ' Microsoft word ' now he wants to learn ' Microsoft
sentence', so when you will provide that?


6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon
which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?


7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a
single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.


8. There is ' MICROSOFT OFFICE ' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the
PC at home only.


9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past
Documents'?


10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My
Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office
hours.

Regards,

SARDARJI

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Confident vs.. confidential

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"

Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, “send me a brother"....
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"......

Losing all your friends

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.

To be a Manager [ IT joke ]

 An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one handvand a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".


The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up". He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.





The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.



He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa,Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"


The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."

Just Some Good Humour +16

Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you,

it's only when you leave her a virgin.



Tension is when wife is pregnant!

Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!

Horror is when both are pregnant!

Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!



The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.

And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?



Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?

To see if you really mean it!



Why is sex similar to shaving?

Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again with same perfection.



Wives are funny creatures.

They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks

And then they want to kill the woman who does.



Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.

Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?

Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.



The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?

Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone

Is still getting screwed!



This week is Breast Awareness Week.

Spread the slogan .......

"We stare because we care!"



The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.

The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"



A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.

He sees a guy leaping out of the window.

Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!

Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?

Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.



What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?

Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.



If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?

Tit-Bits.

And if it bursts in a man's underwear?

Banana split.



What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?

In a bomb blast, population decreases

BUT in a condom blast, population increases.

THE OLD MOTOR

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town.

After being married a  year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.


The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said,

'Thisis amazing. How do you do it at your age?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'

The following  year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.

The same nurse  was attending the delivery and  again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.

She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?'

The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.

The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something awesome! How do you do it?'

The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess  it's time to change the oil. This one is black!'

1) அடிமைக்கும், கொத்தடிமைக்கும் என்ன வித்தியாசம்?
ஒரு பெண்ணைக் காதலிக்கும் பொது நீங்க அடிமை....
அதுவே அந்த பெண்ணையே கல்யாணம் பண்ணிடீங்கன்னா நீங்க கொத்தடிமை....

2) நேரு சொன்னார்: சோம்பேறித்தனமே மிகப் பெரிய எதிரி.....
காந்தி சொன்னார்: உங்கள் எதிரிகளையும் நேசியுங்கள்....
இப்ப சொல்லுங்க... மாமா சொல்றத கேக்குறதா? இல்ல தாத்தா சொல்றத கேக்குறதா?

3) காதல் எங்கே பிறந்தது என்று தெரியுமா?......
சீனாவுல தான் பிறந்தது.....
ஏனெனில் Anything made in China is NO GURANTEE & NO WARRANTY.

4) ஒரு முறை நியூட்டன் அவருக்கு 17 வயதில் வகுப்பறையில் படித்துக் கொண்டிருக்கும் போது ஒரு பாம்பு அவருடைய கால் விரலில் கடித்துவிட்டது. அப்போதும் அவர் அதை கண்டு கொள்ளாமல்
தொடர்ந்து படித்துக் கொண்டிருக்கிறார். ஆசிரியர் இது பற்றி கேட்கும்போது, " பாம்பு என் காலில்தான் கடித்தது, என்னுடைய Mind 'ல் அல்ல" என்கிறார். இதைத்தான் நாம் "வெட்டி ஸீன்"
போடுவது என்கிறோம்....

5) நபர் - 1: ஹோடேலில் சாப்பிட்டுவிட்டுப் பார்க்கிறேன், கையில் காசு இல்லை.....
நபர் - 2: அய்யய்யோ... அப்புறம் என்ன பண்ணுனீங்க?..
நபர் - 1: அப்புறம் பாக்கெட்'ல இருந்து எடுத்துக் கொடுத்துட்டேன்....

6) மூன்று மொக்கைகள்: a) நைட்'ல கொசு கடிச்சா குட்நைட் வைக்கலாம்.. அதுவே மார்னிங்'ல கடிச்சா குட் மார்னிங் வைக்க முடியுமா?
b) பேப்பர் போடுறவன் பேப்பர்காரன், பால் போடுறவன் பால்காரன், அப்பா பிச்சை போடுறவன் பிச்சைக் காரனா?
c) எல்லா stage'லயும் டான்ஸ் ஆடலாம்.. ஆனா கோமா stage 'ல டான்ஸ் ஆட முடியுமா?

7) ஒன்றுமே தெரியாத ஸ்டுடென்ட் கிட்ட கொஸ்டின் பேப்பர் கொடுக்குறாங்க...
எல்லாம் தெரிஞ்ச வாத்தியார்கிட்ட ஆன்சர் பேப்பர் கொடுக்குறாங்க...
என்ன கொடும சார் இது?....

8) காதல் என்பது கரண்ட் போன நேரத்துல வர கொசு மாதிரி...
தூங்கவும் முடியாது... தூரத்தவும் முடியாது....

9) என்னதான் நீங்க செண்டிமெண்ட் பார்த்தாலும், கப்பல் கெளம்பறதுக்கு முன்னாடி எலுமிச்சம் பலம் எல்லாம் வைக்க முடியாது... சங்கு ஊதிவிட்டுதான் கெளம்பனும்...

10) நான் ஒன்னு சொல்லுவேன்... எழுந்திருச்சு ஓடக்கூடாது...
சொல்லட்டுமா?
பெருமாள் கோவில்'ல சுண்டல் போடுறாங்க...
ஹே...ஹே.. நில்லுங்க... எங்க ஓடுறீங்க?....

11) True GK Facts:
** அண்டார்டிக்காவில் ஒரு மரம் கூட இல்லை.
** ஹவாய் தீவில் ஒரு பாம்பு கூட இல்லை.
** பிரான்ஸ் நாட்டில் ஒரு கொசு கூட இல்லை.
** என் தெருவில் ஒரு பிகர் கூட இல்லை. என் கவலை இங்கு யாருக்கு புரிகிறது?.....




12) ஜனவரி - 14 க்கும், பிப்ரவரி - 14 க்கும் என்ன வித்தியாசம்?
ஒரு பொண்ணு பொங்கல் கொடுத்த அது ஜனவரி - 14 !
அதே பொண்ணு அல்வாக் கொடுத்தா அது பிப்ரவரி - 14 !!

13) மனைவி: ஏங்க... கொஞ்சம் வாங்க... குழந்த அழுவுது...
கணவன்: அடி செருப்பால! ... உன்னை எவண்டி மேக்-அப் இல்லாம குழந்தைப் பக்கத்துல போக சொன்னது?

14) உங்ககிட்ட பிடித்ததே இந்த 5 தான்!
1. சிரிப்பு
2. அழகு
3. நல்ல டைப்
4. கொழந்த மனசு...
5. இதெல்லாம் பொய்'ன்னு தெரிஞ்சும் நம்புற நல்ல மனசுபாவம்....

15) அப்பா: ஏண்டா உஜாலா பாட்டில கீழ போட்டு தாண்டிகிட்டு இருக்குற?
மகன்: எங்க ஸ்கூல்'ல நாளைக்கு நீளம் தாண்டுற போட்டி இருக்கு. அதுக்கு தான் பிராக்டீஸ் பண்ணி கிட்டு இருக்கேன்.

16) முதல் காதலில் ஜெய்த்தவனுக்கு அதுதான் கடைசி வெற்றி....
முதல் காதலில் தோற்றவனுக்கு அதுதான் கடைசி தோல்வி....

17) தத்துவம் 2010
"லாரி"ல கரும்பு ஏத்துனா "காசு"!
"கரும்பு"ல லாரிய ஏத்துனா "ஜூசு"!!
இதெல்லாம் ஒரு மெசேஜ்'ன்னு படிக்குற நீங்க ஒரு "-------" ஆமாங்க.. அதான்... அதேதான்....


18) அப்பா: நேத்து ராத்திரி பரிச்சைக்கு படித்தேன்னு சொன்ன, ஆனா உன் ரூம்'ல லைட்டே எரியல?
மகன்: படிக்குற இன்ட்ரெஸ்ட்ல அதை எல்லாம் நான் கவனிக்கலப்பா!

19) எல்லா நாளும் ஒரே மாதிரி இருக்குமா??? ?
?
?
?
?
?
?
4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4
4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4
4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4
நல்லா பார்த்துக்குங்க... எல்லா "நாளும்" ஒரே மாதிரி இருக்கா?...........

Missing Wife Joke

A man went to police station for filing report for his missing wife:


Man: I lost my wife (misty eyes)


Inspector: What is her height


Man: I never noticed


Inspector: Slim or healthy


Man: Not slim can be healthy


Inspector: Colour of eyes


Man: Never noticed


Inspector: Colour of hair


Man: Changes according to season


Inspector: What was she wearing


Man: Saree/suit/ I don’t remember exactly



Inspector: Was somebody with her ?????????


Man: Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo,  tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together…. And the man started crying…..


Inspector: Lets search for the dog first !!!!!!!!!!!! !

Darn Kids They know everything

Mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.


"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.

"It's not polite."


"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says,

"those are personal questions and are really none of your business."


Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"


The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."


Later that night the little girl says to her mother,

"I know how old you are, you are 32."


The mother is surprised and asks,

"How did you find that out?


"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."


The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"


"And," the little girl says triumphantly,

"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."


"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an ' F ' in sex."

Little Johnny the Smart Salesman

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. 


Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."


"Very good," said the teacher. 





Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events."


"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.


Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk "$2,467," he said.


"$2,467," cried the teacher, "what in the world were you selling?"


"Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny. "Tooth brushes," echoed the teacher, "how could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"


"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny. "I set up a Chip and Dip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing... 'Hey, this tastes like shit!'


Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

LITTLE JOHNNY AND PROPER GRAMMAR

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a  show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father  bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."


"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little  Tommy.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.


"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny...

Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was  pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just f*** beautiful!"

Sex Life

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of the problems.


Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"Well, how did she look?"

"Oh boy, she looked VERY angry!"

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.


Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex, that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?"

"She was watching us through the window".

A Nice Story about Love

A Nice Article about Love
-by Swami Vivekananda

 I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me.


Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.


This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... And just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you .

For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.

Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."

Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away.....

Life is beautiful!!!  Live it !!!

Shit, I missed

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf.

The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing.

He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed."

"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.




The priest promised to do better and the round continued.

On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

Sister ! Is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed."


A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.


And from the sky comes a booming voice .......

"Shit, I missed."

It could have been worse

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.''


His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.


So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.





Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''


And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''


Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''


Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''


Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''

Clinton`s secret box

Bill & Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 25th Anniversary. All 25 years Bill has kept a large box under his side of the bed. He asked Hillary never to look in his box, and so she obeyed. But, on the morning of their 25th, she couldn`t stand the suspense any longer. She opened the box and there were three empty beer cans and $1800 cash. She closed the box and put it back.


At dinner, she looks to Bill and says, "Bill, I never looked in your box all 25 years, but I had to look today. The suspense was killing me. Though, I`m confused. Why three beer cans and $1800?"


He looks at her a few moments then tells her. "Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I kept an empty beer can."


Hillary still looks puzzled." Ok Bill, I know the three times you were unfaithful. I`m hurt but that`s over with, But why $1800?"


Bill says," Well, every time the box got full, I went to recycling and kept the money."

Black eyes

The naughty, Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it was not my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That`s when she hit me!"

"Johnny," the father said. "You don`t do those kind of things to women."




The very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.

Johnny`s father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It was not my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn`t like this, so I pushed it back in!"

Welcome to America

எப்பூடி….

மாடு போல சின்னதா இருக்கும்! ஆனா அது மாடு இல்ல! அது என்ன?

தெரியலையா?
அது கண்ணுக் குட்டி! கடவுளே ஏன் என்னை இவ்வளவு அறிவாளியாப் படைச்சே?

எதுக்காக இந்தியா பூராவும், போஸ்ட் மேன் போட்ருக்காங்க?
ஏன்னா போஸ்ட் வுமன் போட்டா டெலிவரி ஆக பத்து மாதம் ஆகும்.

தண்ணில இருந்து ஏன் மின்சாரம் எடுக்கிறார்கள்?
அப்படி எடுக்கவில்லை என்றால் குளிக்கும்போது ஷாக் அடிக்கும்.

தினமும் உன் மனைவிக்கு பூ வாங்கிட்டுப் போறியே.. அவ்வளவு பாசமா மனைவி மேல?
மாப்ளே! பாசம் மனைவி மேலே இல்லடா... பூக்காரி மேல!

டீச்சர்: மகாகவி பாரதி தெரியுமா?
சார். மகா, கவி, பாரதி மூணு பேருமே செம பிகர்!

யார் டைம் நமக்காக காத்திருக்காது என்று சொன்னது?

கடிகாரத்தில் பேட்டரியை எடுத்துவிட்டுப் பாருங்கள்! டைம் எப்போதும் உங்களுக்காக காத்திருக்கும். தின்க் டிபறேன்ட்லி!!



இன்பத்திலும் சிரிங்க! துன்பத்திலும் சிரிங்க! எல்லா நேரமும் சிரிங்க! அப்பத்தான் நீங்க
லூசுன்னு எல்லாரும் நம்புவாங்க!!



ஏன் பாட்டி என் மேல இவ்வளவு பாசமா இருக்க?
நீதாண்டா பேராண்டி நாளைக்கு எனக்கு கொல்லி போடணும்!
போ பாட்டி! எனக்கு நாளைக்கு ஸ்கூல் இருக்கு! இன்னைக்கே கொல்லி வச்சுரவா?



பஸ் ரூட்ல பஸ் போகும், ட்ரைன் ரூட்ல ட்ரைன் போகும்! பீட் ரூட்ல என்ன போகும்?
தெரிஞ்சா எனக்கு SMS பண்ணுங்க!



அம்மா! எதிர்வீட்ல இருக்குற ஆண்டி பேரு என்னமா?
சரோஜா! ஏன் கேக்குற?
அப்புறம் ஏம்மா அப்பா டார்லிங்குன்னு கூப்பிடறாரு?



பல்ப் - எடிசன்
ரேடியோ - மார்கோனி
பை-சைக்கிள் - மேக் மில்லன்
போன் - க்ராஹாம் பெல்
க்ராவிடி - நியூட்டன்
கரண்ட் - பாரடே
எக்ஸாம் - அவன்தான் சிக்க மாட்றான்! சிக்கினா செத்தான்!!



காதலில் எத்தனை முறை தோற்றாலும் பெரிய விசயமல்ல!
ஒரு முறை ஜெய்த்து பார்த்தால்தான் தெரியும்! தோல்வியே எவ்வளவோ
பரவாயில்லை என்று!!



அதிக நேரம் உன் அழகை கண்ணாடியில் பார்க்காதே!
உன் அழகைப் பார்த்து கண்ணாடிக்கும் உன் மேல் காதல் வரும்!!




மூணு பேரு ஒரு பைக்ல போயிட்டு இருக்காங்க! அப்ப ஒரு டிராபிக் போலீஸ் கை
காட்டி நிறுத்தசொல்றாரு!
அப்ப பைக்ல இருந்த ஒருத்தன் ரொம்ப கோவமா "யோவ்! ஏற்கனவே மூணு பேரு
உட்கார்ந்து இருக்குறோம்! இதுல நீ எங்க உட்காருவ?" என்று கேட்டான். இது எப்படி இருக்கு?



டாக்டர்: உங்க உடம்ப குறைக்க தினமும் நான்கு மைல் நடக்கணும்!
பேசன்ட்: சரி டாக்டர்! நாளைக்கே நான்கு மயில் வாங்கி நடக்க வைக்கிறேன்!!

ஹலோ! என்னதான் கம்ப்யூட்டர் விண்டோவ்லா உலகமே தெரிஞ்சாலும் எதிர் வீட்டு
பொண்ணு தெரியுமா?
------ பில் கேட்ஸ் ஐ விட ஒரு படி மேலே யோசிப்போர் சங்கம்.



அப்பா: ஏண்டா உங்க ஸ்கூல்ல ரன்னிங் ரேஸ் இருக்குன்னு சொன்னியே, என்னாச்சி?
மகன்: அத ஏன் கேக்குறப்பா, எனக்கு பயந்து எல்லா பசங்களும் எனக்கு முன்னாடியே
ஓடி போய்டாங்க!!

management & engineers

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.


She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."


The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."


"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man.


"How did you know?"


"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more."


The man below responded, "You must be in management."


"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"


"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going.You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?!!"


BOTTOM LINE: just imagine the management guys who are basically engineers... no wonder!!!!!

blonde alligator

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and, frustrated, shouts out,

"Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!

Fishing

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.


There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.


I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."


She sleepily replied,

"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that s#!t."