Let us be generous like this :
Four ppl are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

1st says : we should KILL him.
...2nd says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
3rd says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..
4th says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

It could have been worse

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.''


His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.


So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.





Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''


And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''


Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''


Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''


Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''

Welcome to America

Call to technical support:

Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? And how it is related to printer?
Caller: Mmmm.. Wait, I will send a picture.

The Barber

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.

A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

Marital Woes

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

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Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.

It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives

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If u r married please ignore this MSG,

For everyone else: Happy Independence Day

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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.

After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage

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Galfriends r like chocolates,

Taste gud anytime.

Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.

Wife r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice

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Man receives telegram: Wife deadshould be buried or cremated?

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

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Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.

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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

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Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?

A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

BEST INTERVIEW ( READ, LAUGH & PASS IT TO LAUGH OTHER )

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am SAMEER GUPTA. I did my Tele Communication engineering from

BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard

of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission

into it . What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I

was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to

call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said

- "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this

college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be

related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your

engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you

know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis

tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and

3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try

to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches

really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I

would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job

for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative..

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education

itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have

you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current

platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can

see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the

places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in

German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher

version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new

language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the

language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times

they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since

joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that

Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and

Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call

and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like -

'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',

'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer

Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.

1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have

deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I

would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to

avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term

preferably 2-4 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and

Europe. But considering the fact that there is a IPL in South Africa in

2009, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and

don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our

organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to

INFOSYS .. :-))

Funny cartoons 2.... .

Funny cartoons 1.... .

$600 rebate!

Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the following:

''The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China .

If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.

If we buy a computer it will go to India .

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .

If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany .

If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I've been doing my part.''

CONFUSING ENGLISH

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

8. Why is it called building when it is already built?

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do Bars have parking lots?

11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around Several times, does he become disoriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human??

13 . If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???

Go to your work now!!!!

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