Monday, August 31, 2009
Some light jokes ( Funny jokes )
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?
~~~~~~
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy!Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well, "began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
~~~~~~
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
~~~~~~~
1st thief :Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief:But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief :Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
~~~~~~~~
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
~~~~~~~
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
~~~~~~~
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
~~~~~~~
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy:Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy :No, mine is undying love.
~~~~~~~~
There was a brilliant student and his General Knowledge (*GK*) was excellent.
He won every GK Quiz he took part in ....
Then one day he fell in love with a girl...
He proposed the girl, but she flatly rejected him The poor Indian fellow was heart-broken. .
Strangely, after this episode, he became very weak at GK, he stopped taking part in GK Quizzes.....
Now, can u tell WHY ???
Jab Dil Hi Toot Gaya Toh GK Kya Karenge!!
~~~~~~~~
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband:Sure, what are my choices?
Wife :Yes and no.
~~~~~~~
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Bobby's Letter To The God.
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
************ **
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.
************ **
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
************ **
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
************ **
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
************ **
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!
************ **
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
************ **
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.
I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
So he tore up the letter and started over.
************ **
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
Your friend,
Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
************ **
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
************ **
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,
Bobby
************ **
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.
************ **
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!
************ **
Friday, August 28, 2009
A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Reshma ,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Aakash
************ *********
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........
Aakash ,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Reshma ,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Aakash
************ *********
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........
Aakash ,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
**********
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... Right ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali ) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No
**********
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple . Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
Hope everything is clear to you .
My Dearest Reshma ,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Aakash
************ *********
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........
Aakash ,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Reshma ,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.
**********
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... Am I doing it?
**********
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
**********
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
**********
4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
**********
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
**********
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
**********
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
**********
8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
**********
9) On that day, it was my birthday. You too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.
**********
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.
If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Aakash
************ *********
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format ........
Aakash ,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
**********
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... Right ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali ) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No
**********
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No
**********
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple . Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
Hope everything is clear to you .
Thursday, August 27, 2009
pink curtain
A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,
"I would like To buy a pair of pink curtains". The salesman assures her that they have a large election of pink curtains.
He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches" "Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman.
"That sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room; they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ............ . I've got Windoooooows!"
"I would like To buy a pair of pink curtains". The salesman assures her that they have a large election of pink curtains.
He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches" "Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman.
"That sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room; they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo ............ . I've got Windoooooows!"
Softwarism:( Ultimate. ...):
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!
LEAVE LETTERS
This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...
1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."
10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."
10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Supernatural Power
There was this case in this hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed on Friday mornings around 9am regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural: Why did death occur at that same bed around the same time every Friday?
So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of the deaths.
Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. The new (unknowing) patient laid there.
Some doctors held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil...and they waited.
8am, the patient was still alive...
8.30am...still breathing...
Just before the 'cursed' time, the door to the ward swung open...
Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner!
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural: Why did death occur at that same bed around the same time every Friday?
So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of the deaths.
Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. The new (unknowing) patient laid there.
Some doctors held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil...and they waited.
8am, the patient was still alive...
8.30am...still breathing...
Just before the 'cursed' time, the door to the ward swung open...
Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner!
Udurawana New
Udurawana bought a new mobile.
He sent a message everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My MobileNo. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
Udurawana: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Udurawana: No he is not studying, they r Studying him.
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Udurawana: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Interviewer shouts: Stop it.
Udurawana: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Udurawana: Doctor, In my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Udurawana: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Udurawana: If I die will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Udurawana: No, I'll also stay with your sister
Udurawana: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Udurawana: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again..
Udurawana complained 2 Police: Sir all items are missing, except the TV in
my house.
Police: How the thief did not take TV???
Udurawana: I was watching TV news
He sent a message everyone from his Phone Book & said
"My MobileNo. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
Udurawana: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Udurawana: No he is not studying, they r Studying him.
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Udurawana: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Interviewer shouts: Stop it.
Udurawana: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Udurawana: Doctor, In my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Udurawana: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Udurawana: If I die will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Udurawana: No, I'll also stay with your sister
Udurawana: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Udurawana: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again..
Udurawana complained 2 Police: Sir all items are missing, except the TV in
my house.
Police: How the thief did not take TV???
Udurawana: I was watching TV news
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sardarji strikes again- Very nice one
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf...
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- “1 Miss Call".
Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!.
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr : Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
Dr: So why did you come today?
Sardar: We lost the duplicate key!!
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf...
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- “1 Miss Call".
Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!.
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr : Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
Dr: So why did you come today?
Sardar: We lost the duplicate key!!
BASTARD
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
SUCCESS OF MARRIAGE
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.
They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:
"We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".
She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.
This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.
When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" ..
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."
Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after."
They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:
"We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".
She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.
This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued.
When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" ..
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."
Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after."
Sunday, August 23, 2009
A young man
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed. 'If I do 250 kph, will you take off your clothes?' he smirked. 'Yes,' said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 250, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
'Go and get help!' he cried.
'But I can't! I'm naked and my clothes are gone!'
'Take my shoe' he said 'and cover yourself.'
Holding the shoe over her privates, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, 'Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!'
The proprietor looked at the shoe and fainted..... ..!!!!!!! !!
She was thrilled at the speed. 'If I do 250 kph, will you take off your clothes?' he smirked. 'Yes,' said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 250, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
'Go and get help!' he cried.
'But I can't! I'm naked and my clothes are gone!'
'Take my shoe' he said 'and cover yourself.'
Holding the shoe over her privates, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, 'Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!'
The proprietor looked at the shoe and fainted..... ..!!!!!!! !!
Sardar and Wife
Sardar: Will U marry , after I die.
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will U marry , after I die.
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister
Wife : No I will live with my sister.
Wife : Will U marry , after I die.
Sardar: No I will also live with ur sister
Cash Withdrawal from ATM
How a BOY withdraws cash from an ATM.
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
*********
How a GIRL withdraws cash from an ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
25. Drive on.
Call Centre (Funny)
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me..
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to
me.. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan .. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But
what's this urgent matter
about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan
was involved in an accident.
Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital.
Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn't
an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for
this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Oh .....God.... ...
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me..
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to
me.. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan .. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But
what's this urgent matter
about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan
was involved in an accident.
Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital.
Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn't
an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for
this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..
Caller: Oh .....God.... ...
Friday, August 21, 2009
Sardar Joke
A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from
Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he would
like to play a fun-game.
The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he
politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy
and a lot of fun.
He says, ‘I ask you a question, and if you don’t know
the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa.’
Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now worked up, says, ‘Okay, if you don’t
know the answer, you pay me $5,
and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $500.’
This gets the sardar’s attention and, figuring there
will be no end to this torment,
agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question, ‘What’s the
distance from the earth to the moon?’
The Sardar doesn’t say a word, reaches into his wallet,
pulls out a $5 bill and
hands it to the American.
‘Okay,’ says the American, ‘Your turn.’
So the Sardar asks, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs
and comes down with four legs?’
The American thinks about it. No answer.
Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches
the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
co-workers.
Checks the input. All to no avail!
Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and
hands him $500.
The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the
Sardar and asks,
‘Well, what’s the answer?’
Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands
the American $5,
and goes back to sleep!
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